Just venting (sorry)

I feel like I have to write this. like if I don’t, I’ll just feel even lower than I already do,which, to be honest, is pretty damn low.

I’m 22 years old, I live with my parents, and I’ve never had a job. All of these things combined make me feel like a massive failure. The worst part is, everything I read about “Millennials” confirms this fear. I’ve spoke before about how we’re considered the useless generation, how our parents hate us for having such a low percentage of ourselves in the workforce. But we’ve also lived through a massive economical crisis. A crisis that, in my opinion, is taking too damn long to get better.

The media doesn’t help either. Movies ad television depict kids straight out of college, or even high school, as having full time jobs. In film world, all 20-somethings live on their own, have good jobs, and it’s been that way for a while. Meanwhile, in the real world, more and more people past the age of 20 are living at home. Including myself.

Sure, they say it’s getting better, but I’m not seeing those results. I’m still sitting here, at my parents’ house, writing for a very small readership (but seriously I love you guys, thanks for putting up with my shit). I’ve been looking for work for four years, with practically no results. I’m getting interviews, but they’re so few and far between that I still suck at them. I’ve developed serious anxiety which affects me every day, and I find myself on the brink of tears, for no real reason, on a regular basis.

I know, I’ll probably get a job eventually. But that’s the problem, eventually is not now. Eventually is not where I am at the moment, and I feel myself getting further and further from it with each fleeting second. I feel like a dog on a treadmill, chasing a juicy T-bone tied to the front that I’ll never really catch.

And that’s the problem. I hate not having something to do. I hate being alone with just my thoughts and my anxiety. They are the things that tell me I’ll never get what I want, the things that tell me to just give up; and one of these days, I’m afraid I’m going to listen.

 

 

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