Being an aunt is the best birth control

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Yes I’m gonna talk about kids. Mostly about how I’m not gonna have kids until I’m at least thirty. Why? Because I’m an aunt. I have to beautiful nieces and an adorable nephew whom I adore, don’t get me wrong, but they’ve put me off even entertaining the idea of having kids for a long time.

How? Well obviously you’ve never met any small children.

First, there’s the small detail of how for the first couple years of their lives (give or take a year), they poop in their pants. And guess who the responsibility of cleaning that up falls to when their parents aren’t around? Yep, their auntie and uncle. I’ve seen enough poop (in every color of the rainbow, mind you) to last three lifetimes.

Then there’s the fact that kids do not shut up. Again, I love my brother’s children dearly, but I find myself dreaming of a place I can go to that is just silence. I hated screaming children even when I was a screaming child myself, and adding 20 years to my life has only made that hatred more pronounced. Little high pitched peals of laughter aren’t much better either.

Another detail I’ve yet to mention is that their parents yell as much as they do. It doesn’t matter who their yelling at and why either. They yell at their oldest for smearing peanut butter on the walls, they’ll yell at the middle child for copying her sister’s peanut butter art, and they’ll at the youngest because he just figured out how to get out of his high chair (and he’s so proud he won’t stop showing them).  They’ll yell at each other for various reasons, mostly about the kids. But still, they yell.

Of course there’s the good as well. The parts of the kids that make me want to have some of my own. There’s the way they say good morning to me no matter how late in the day I come out of my room. There’s them asking me to play a game with them, and how happy they are when I say yes. There’s how much I’m learning from them, and how much they’re learning from me. And the most important one of all, that my middle niece is like my twin, she even has my eyebrows.

So yes I’m planning on having children of my own someday, I love children, and they respond well to me. But that “Someday” is years from now.

 

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