Still here

So… long story short that big risk I took back in May didn’t work out. And now I’m in the same position I was last year, broke and living at home. I think it would be more accurate to say I actually have it worse off than I did last year, because last year I at least had a job while being broke and living with my parents.

Now this just seems like a stupid rant but it isn’t. This is me acknowledging that I am once again at an emotional low. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to go anywhere, and I don’t want to do anything

I haven’t felt this bad in a while actually. Why am I saying this all to an all but abandoned blog? Because when I started this I said it was a journal. I said it was somewhere I could be vulnerable without much consequence and that’s what I need right now.

I honestly don’t even care if this never gets read because it’s not really for an audience, it’s for me. It’s for the days when anxiety is stopping me from going outside or even texting anyone. It’s for the nights when I feel exhausted even though I slept through most of the day. It’s for when I fill out job application after job application and feel useless for getting next to nothing in return.

Maybe venting to the Internet makes me crazy, but it also makes me feel sane, and maybe that’s all that matters. But, for now, I’m done venting. Maybe I’ll actually get something done today. 

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