Not going away

As the title says, I’m not going away. I’ve just had a pack of writing inspiration lately, in addition to just feeling generally awful about myself. Don’t worry, I’m trying to feel less awful, one step at a time.

In the long weeks since I posted last I’ve been a little busy. I started up an Etsy shop for my jewelry, so I’ve pretty much been my inventory every day. I’ll eventually get a link to that on here, but I won’t pester people to buy anything. I’ve also started some volunteer work at a local haunted house, which will take up my weekend nights for the next four weeks.

I guess I could say I’ve been pretty productive. Still no real job to speak of, but I’ve talked about that at length here before. I also will probably start writing over at Scared to Watch, a little horror movie review blog I found out about on Reddit. If you’re willing, take a look at the site, it’s small, but promising.

And that’s pretty much what I’ve been up to the past few weeks. I promise I’ll try to be on here a little more, maybe not daily, but more than once a month for sure.

Just saying thanks to those who still read this thing, I can’t thank you enough.

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I’m back from the dead (and here’s where I went)

Well, I checked my calendar today and calculated how long it’s been since I’ve blogged. Too. Damn. Long.

Of course, I’m being imprecise for dramatic reasons. It’s been about six months. I know this because my last post was a whine-fest about my shitty Halloween. But I know the exact question on the lips of whoever still reads this crap. Where did I go? Are you ready for the answer?

After a year of making crappy decisions and being generally unhappy with my state of mind I decided a change was in order. I remembered a man I talked to in high school, a recruiter by the name of Stifler. (yes, just like in American Pie.)  I remembered how intrigued I was by the Navy, and the military in general, and how that intrigue had stayed in the back of my mind.

So, I packed up my doubts and my fears and went to the recruiting station. After I talked with my new recruiter, the doubts and fear were still there, but something else lingered on as well; relief. I waited a couple weeks and then gave him a call.

And that’s where my journey to a career I could be proud of began. I went to MEPS, took my ASVAB, got a passable score, and two weeks later I went back for my physical. And I didn’t pass. I had to do one exercise over again. This was a few weeks before Christmas, so I had a month to practice before I could go back, and practice I did. Every. Single. Day. I even had the help of my nieces. Then I went back to MEPS and passed.

Why am I going into excruciating, boring detail? Because I can. And because every week until I was sworn in as a future Sailor in the US Navy I became more and more certain of my decision. In that four weeks I called my recruiter more than few times to make sure I was still scheduled to do what I needed to do. After I passed I even quit my job and joined a gym to dedicate more time to my training.

Now I am in the process of training for, well, training, which I’m leaving for next month.

That’s right, next month I will be leaving the state of California to go to Recruit Training Command in Great Lakes, Illinois. I will be leaving my family, my friends, and my material possessions behind, which includes this blog. I’m writing about this now, after six months of silence, because it’s finally sinking in. I will be leaving home for the longest period of time I ever have. I feel elated, terrified, and I feel relieved all at the same time.

Every time I look at my ship date I get this indescribable feeling. I guess it could be described as excitement but that seems all to simple. It’s like I can finally see a path for myself that will lead me to great things, things that I’m in no way prepared for, but still somehow hoping for. I have a concrete plan for the first time in my life. In a way, I’m taking something seriously for the first time in my life.

So ask me again, where have I been? And I’ll tell you again; exactly where I was supposed to be.

Back To The Drawing Board

I recently came into a lot of free time, which is a nice way of saying I got canned. The good news is, I have money in the bank (which is a phrase that makes me think of bad hip hop), The bad news is I have to start this whole begging for work thing over again.

So I’ll be standing on my corner of the internet (no, not for that, get your mind out of the gutter), like an old-timey newsboy, waving my resume to anyone who will read it, knowing most will take it and toss it in the garbage. But  have to keep optimistic about this whole thing, or then I’ll give away how unhappy I am at interviews and they’ll have yet another reason not to hire me, right along with “Too young”, “Too inexperienced”, “Too reserved”, and “Not what we’re looking for”. But, according to recent news, Millennials such as myself are doing a little better in the job market, so I’ll have to keep my fingers crossed.

I’ll also have to find a way not to take rejection so personally, even if, in it’s very nature, rejection is very, very personal. Nope, I’ll just have to grit my teeth, say “Thank, you for your consideration.” and hope the next thing pans out. And people wonder why I’m stressed.

Apparently, this is what your early twenties are supposed to be like. And I’m finding that, as I rapidly approach birthday number 24 still living at home and essentially leeching off my parents, I’m wishing more and more that this is just a movie and I can fast forward to the most successful part of my life. Yep that’s me, a (semi) grown woman, hoping to wake up one day with the career of my dreams, a thriving social life, and an ever expanding bank account.

But then I realize that usually, even in movies, most successful people have probably been in my position, unhappy with their current situation, wishing for simpler times, and not really seeing a way out of that mentality. But eventually, it gets better, through some combination of hard work and luck, things change. And you reach that point where you think “I did it, I’ve succeeded in being an adult”.

That is the feeling I’m working toward, that’s what keeps an optimistic view in my peripheral vision even if all I see in front of me is bitterness, it keeps me getting up in the morning and keeps me going through the day. And if I lose sight of that goal, I don’t know who I’d be.